Letting go

For six years now, I have had the privilege of taking a break from winter and spending some time in a warmer place. I am so grateful for this solar recharge, this respite from the cold.

This year, instead of being what I have come to expect, -a serene, relaxing time to reinvigorate myself, connect with my partner, and focus on special projects, it has been so much more. It has been full of challenges; a time of illness and inner turmoil. I have had to assess my circumstances against the backdrop of my goals and carve out space for the future I want. I have had to let some things go that I have held on to for a long time.

In December, my sweet friend, Anna, gifted me with a book of wisdom and poetry entitled Inward, by Yung Pueblo, and I have been enjoying it during moments of solitude. This simple passage really resonated with me today:

"all mental tension comes from not letting go"

I feel this. It’s so easy for me to hold on to the past. It’s easy for me to hold on to my own inner narrative, my desires for the future, and my hopes for my loved ones. It is easy for me to weigh those I love down with my expectations and feel weighed down by the expectations of those around me. It is easy for me to hold on to desired outcomes and hurt feelings and fear of the unknown.

My dear friend, Veronica, reminds me to ask myself “Does this belong to me?” when I am feeling guilt and anxiety. Most of the time, the answer is “no.” Letting go is a practice, an offering, a profound act of surrender. Learning to do it gracefully is the work of a lifetime.

The purging process I have undergone over the past weeks has been painful, but here, away from my normal flurry of activity, I have had the time and space to focus on self-healing. My steps are lighter than they were four weeks ago. I will be returning home next week with greater clarity, vitamin D-fortified, and enthusiastic to get back to my reiki studio!

2.13.22